During the past 10 days or so, I've been working to find closure, understanding and peace about the SW and I breaking it off. I'm trying to really listen and observe actions and not make things more wonderful than they are.
To that end, I've written some letters to SW just to clear my mind. Of course, they find the trash quickly, but it's good therapy for someone who is a writer by trade.
Then Monday afternoon, the phone rang and it was the SW. He called in a chatty mood. He had a bad day at work; one of the students in his school had died over the weekend. He had worked with the young lady and her family for about a year. I believe that he wanted just to talk and to just have someone listen. I made a conscious decision not to talk about our situation, just to be a friend. We hung up after a friendly chat with no promises or accusations.
Then Tuesday morning, the phone rang again. (We often talked early in the morning when he was making his 45 minute commute.) It started out as a friendly chat, a continuation of the afternoon before. But I decided that if he could reach out, I needed to clear the air about how I have been feeling. So I dove right in, with respect of course, and asked what had happened. I didn't get a really solid answer, more waffling, but at least I started the conversation.
I think that to stay true to me, I need to ask these tough questions. He's been avoiding things like an 18-yr-old, and I think that he needs to honor the relationship we did have, something he pushed with the "I love you" so early and often.
SW actually called again that morning, to "finish" the conversation. While I don't think it's all quite finished yet, I'm finding a good balance between letting him know that my feelings are valid and trying to understand his feelings and that whatever happened probably was more on him and his issues than anything I can control.
And so I move on.
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2 comments:
Your story sounds so similar to mine. Mine was a 5 month relationship, deep connection, amazing conversations that went on for hours. Neither of us had ever felt like this before. This was my first relationship a year after my divorce. He had a very complicated schedule/life/kids. I did too, but his was worse. There was an issue that came up between us, and he decided he couldn't handle a serious relationship. Already has too much on his plate. He asked to be friends. Be careful with that. I finally had to say no because every contact with him gave me hope and I couldn't heal.
It's been about a month, he's not coming back, and I cut off contact. I have to take care of myself. I have the list too, the negatives, the red flags. I keep reminding myself. And so I'm trying to move on.
Wow! This does sound a lot the same. I guess it's the adult dating world. Hang in there. Your partner is out there, I just know it.
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