Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sassy wins in a cage match!

Well, had a lunch date with the psychologist today. Not so good. As I walked into the restaurant, I looked around. We have traded photos, so I thought I would recognize him. Finally, I hear someone call my name. I look over and there is a very, very small man. Not a "little person," but a very small man. As my friends know, I'm not that tall. But I could have taken this man in a cage match.

His shoulders were smaller than mine. His waist was smaller, his thighs were smaller. Gulp! Let me just say right now that when somthing like this happens, your mind races. What to say? Try not to stare. How could this happen? I guess I didn't look at the height in the profile. Why would I need to see that? I'm a small woman. EVERYONE is taller than me. Even 14 yr old nephews.

And actually, he was a nice guy, and not bad looking. But small. It's not gonna happen people. Nope. I have to be honest. There's a lid for every pot as my sister says, but he wasn't mine.

Now the sticky part. I've already gotten an email thanking me for meeting at lunch, and "hoping we can get together soon." Grr. I'm gonna have to let him know it's not a match. I hate rejecting people, because I'm been on the other side. But it's better to do it now, instead of later.

Oh, and to top it all off, he didn't pay for my lunch. He was the one who suggested lunch and suggested the place. Now, I usually offer to pay once, so my date knows I'm not some spoiled princess. But he actually said, "OK." Not a good way to make an impression. Hey, we're in our mid-40s. You can spring for an $8 lunch, right?

Speaking of this, I liked the way Blue Eyes handled the lunch check. Again, he was the one to extend the invite and he was the one who chose the restaurant. When the check came, I made my offer. Blue Eyes said that he invited me and he would pay. And that perhaps next time I could buy. Nice. Perfect. Works for me. And so, I move on.....

Email and lunch

Well, today I finally get to meet the psychologist. Lunch is scheduled today at a small Thai place. Now, for my friends who know me, I don't always do Thai, but it seemed rude to ask for another location. So I'll be cautious in my ordering. I really don't know what this will be like. And as outgoing as I am, I always have a few small (but cute) butterflys in my tummy.

And I got a nice email from Blue Eyes. Sounded like he enjoyed the date, but another one is not scheduled. We'll see what happens.

There's the whole thing again about not wanting to appear too eager. Do guys really have a 3 day rule? And so, I go forward....

Sunday, April 23, 2006

A hat

Oh, and to the date I had about a month ago. Wearing a baseball hat into a restaurant doesn't work for me. You are a grown man. You are supposed to be making a good first impression. And I'll find out eventually that you're losing your hair. It's OK. Really. Just don't wear a hat on a first date...unless we go to a ballgame. Thanks.

Success (somewhat)

Last Friday night saw me on a second date with Blue Eyes. We met through one of my onlines services and had our first date on Wednesday. Lunch is a nice way to start. It's a finite time, not a huge investment of time or money. During the date, we were talking about a concert coming up. He mentioned that he was going with some family members (he's the one from the BIG family) and that there might be an extra ticket.

I wanted to take the low-key approach, so I said if there was an extra ticket that it was meant to be, and that if there wasn't, then that was cool too. About 60 minutes after the lunch date, he called and left a message that there was an extra ticket and he would like to take me to the concert.

As Friday approached, we made our plans. He picked me up at the house, we had a quick drink here with some great Parmeasan crisps. (Thanks for the idea, Mom!). We then went to his brother's house to meet up with him, his wife and two of their children. Nice people all. I'm not sure who was the braver, Blue Eyes for taking a new "date" with family involved, or me for going. Oh, have I mentioned that we were meeting another sister and her husband. And at the end of the concert, we actually ran into ANOTHER sister. Whew!

The concert was wonderful and we all had a good time. Blue Eyes is somewhat quieter than some people I might be attracted to, but he's funny and sweet. I enjoyed his company and hope that he enjoyed mine. He brought me home after a couple of drinks after the concert (with the family gang) and walked me to the door. Nice manners. Big plus to me. And yes, there was a little kiss. Enough to be interesting, not enough to gauge much.

The question now is: how do you look interested without seeming desparate? This is a tough spot for me. I don't like waiting. I'm a woman of action. But through my dating experiences, it seems right to let the gentleman make the next move to another date. So we'll see if I hear from him. And I'll let you know.....

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Bitter sweet dreams

The Torch was in my dreams last night. I know this all will take time, and I know that time takes time, but come on!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A shade of grey

Is it weird that I am attracted to grey hair on men? Of course, I hate my own and "enhance" my color, but for some reason, on a man it is sexy. Strange but true.

Never rains, but it pours

Well, after a week or two with no date, I have TWO this week. Tomorrow is a lunch date with a new online gentleman. He is from a big family and that attracted me to his profile. I think one of the lessons I've learned is that the person I will eventually be with will be very family oriented and appreciated my family and my relationship with them. And I think it says a LOT about how someone's family dynamics work. Case in point: my ex-father-in-law did not take the time to come to our wedding. Nice guy, huh? I should have seen that clue, but the dress was gorgeous (thanks Mom) and I looked good in it....

My other hopeful date is the psychologist. We have been continuing to email and I expect he'll call this week for a face to face meeting. As I've mentioned, he's 51, so I'm nervous about the age difference, but he seems like a really good guy. Is it a match, though?

Not too much else to tell right now. Hopefully, some good stories will come out of this week. Until then....

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Two-fer

To all that have notice I haven't blogged recently...so sorry. Things in the dating world have actually been slow. I feel like with the weather changing and me being much more thoughtful about my dating life, I've quieted down. But never fear, I've got a new prospect to talk about.

I met this gentleman through one of my online services. He is a psychologist, so I figure I can get a date and therapy all in the same evening! Actually, we have only been emailing and talked on the phone once. He seems nice, but as my dating audience knows, it's the in person, chemistry thing that is so important. And no matter who the online service advertises ("Find the love of your life with our super-duper quiz"), you just can't predict or pinpoint the matters of the heart.

We will talk again I believe, and set up an in-person meeting. You would think that with all the online first dates I've been on, I'd be a pro at it. But I'm always a little nervous. The personal rejection thing is hard to wrap your arms around. I've learned not to take anything personally. If they don't want to see me again, they're not my guy. I am optimistic enough to believe the right person is out there for me. And I'm settling for Mr. Right Now. I'm searching for Mr. Right.

That being said, I do like the online way to meet people. I'm not a bar girl and my office environment is rather small. So, to the keyboard I go.

Happy holidays (Easter, Passover) to all my friends and family. And so it goes....

Friday, April 07, 2006

Searching

So last night's wine date was OK. Yep, just OK. Not bad. Not good. Not funny. Just there.

Now, you know I don't talk bad about any date. But I do tell when they are dull, dopey or just plain strange. This gentleman can't even fall into any of these characteristics. We had not one shred of anything in common except that we are both in our 40s and both single. Nothing after that.

Different activities. Different views on family. Different views on reading. OK, you get my drift.

But where, oh, where are the interesting men? The ones who have something to say. Something they believe in. Oy vey, my same old song. Enough already.

Tonight I am attending FirstFridays, an artwalk in our arts district. Supposed to be a fun scene with lots of people watching. My wingwoman will be be the lovely L. We plan on seeing some people, seeing some art and then grabbing a bit of dinner. I'll let you know how it goes.....

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Wine date

Tonight after tennis, I am meeting a gentleman for a glass of wine. Met him on my online service. Not sure if it's even worth it, but it's just a glass of wine. And since I've heard it only takes one guy to make you happy, might as well get out there and see if he's the one. More later. Until then, have a great day.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Lean Cuisine or Lean Conversation?

D called last night. He's one of the first guys from the online service I met. Gosh, hard to believe that was 18 months ago. Nice enough guy. But he tends to talk about himself all the time. And I mean ALL the time. Check this out:

When I first met him he actually told me how much debt he had. Huh? That's something to be proud of? He's almost 50 years old, didn't own a home, and was up to his eyeballs in credit card bills. Like this is attractive to me. And how did he get like this? Partying. No, thanks. Next!

He also loves to tell me how much money he's making. Again I respond, "huh?" First, my MOM doesn't know how much money I make. Let alone a stranger you met online. Yes, folks, he told me all of this within the first or second time we got together.

Now, I enjoy D's company. In small doses. He's funny, entertaining, tells good stories. Between him talking about himself, that is. Last evening he gave me a full inventory of new furniture he's purchased. (Debt, people, debt) He also wanted to tell me about his car (the German engineered thing), his plans for a new house, his plans for work, etc. Yikes!

So again, I'm back to the question of conversation. Had D read a paper? Can he talk about city politics, movies, music? Does he have an opinion about the world? And can he hold a conversation with me?

Perhaps we have the clue to why he is single. At this age group, looks are nice, but I'm searching for intellectual stimulation as well. Someone who can interest me and engage me. Not someone who I want to hang up on so I can get back to my Cheese Stuffed Shells by Lean Cuisine. And so I grab my fork and move on.....

Monday, April 03, 2006

Easy Reader

The other day I was skimming the paper and noticed an announcement of a "Singles Book Swap" at a locally owned bookstore. I love to read, love books and love to discuss books. Perfect for me, I thought. But what to swap?

As I looked over my bookshelves I saw a lot of books my former husband left without taking. Should I take some of those to get them out of my house? They say nothing about me; they aren't books I read and loved. But they were books I wanted to get rid of. So I concocted a story. "I'm cleaning out books from friends and relatives." Sounded plausible, right?

As I drive over there on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, I wonder what I am doing. I've got no wingman, I'm totally solo. What if there is no one there? What if I'm the only normal person? What if I see a room of scary people?

What was wrong with me? My usual courage and enjoyment of meeting new people had somehow flown out the window. Time for a call to best friend T. As I'm driving and talking, she is pointing out that it's OK to be nervous, that I might meet some cool people, that she would go with me if she could. Nothing like a friend to remind you that all is well.

I drive past the book store and it looks like there's no one there. What is I'm the only one there? What if I'm the only loser in this whole town who is going inside on such a gorgeous Spring day? Where is my courage?

I actually drive past, make a trip to Target instead. (On an up note, I got the coolest sunglasses which my sister will be totally jealous over.)

After spending some money at the mecca, I go back to the bookstore. What's to lose? 15 minutes of my day, right? Inside I walk. A very cool bookstore. Just the kind I like. Lots of books crammed everywhere, stacked on the floor, put into cubbyholes. The woman in charge came over and told me how the swap works. You take your books and a slip of paper and put your name on them, with a phone and any comments about the book. Place them on the table. Then you can take as many books from the table as the number of books you brought. Bring in 5, take out 5.

At the table was a nice young guy. About 35 maybe. He was polite enough and I tried to engage some conversation.

Me: What are you reading now?
Him: Oh, nothing right now.
Me: Is there anything you're recommending to your friends?
Him: Well, I just finished "In Cold Blood."
Me: Have you seen the movie? I loved it.
Him: No.

And so on. Not the easiest conversation. Is it that people are just not curious? That people have lost the art of polite conversation with a stranger? He is there for a Singles Book Swap. You would think he'd be ready for conversation. Even if it's someone out of their "target range." Have we lost the art of talking to one another in person?

More and more as I look at what I'd like from a partner/relationship/friend is someone who enjoys talking. Likes exchanging opinions. Who can dish the gossip (harmless gossip only) as well as discuss current events. Someone who can make an evening fly by, leaving you wanting more.

Is there anyone out there?

At the end, I got 2 cool books, one of which I almost purchased at the BIG bookstore a couple of days ago. And I ordered another book from the very cool owner lady. All in all, an OK way to spend some time on a gorgeous afternoon.

And so I go on.....