Building a community

Last evening I had some friends in for dinner and a rousing game of Uno! I made a big pot of shrimp etouffe, bread, and apple cobbler. Friends brought salad, ice cream, wine and beer. We had a terrific time and I was once again reminded of how blessed I am to have so many wonderful friends.

The Torch and I have a running discussion about when you're single, and especially when your family is scattered elsewhere, you need to have a community. And it's work to make it and keep it vibrant. I think of my community as my friends. Kinda like a family right here in my town. They're the people I lean on, laugh with, support and play with.

This is one of the best lessons that I've had out of my divorce. Luckily, I already had a great network of friends and have a personality that knows how to reach out and make relationships. I empathize with people who look around one day and think that they don't have friends to count on or to have fun with.

So, to all my friends near and far, THANKS! You're wonderful people and make my life richer and richer every day!

My (kinda) Zen moment

Today as I was driving home from work, I thought about the dating scene and how I was going about meeting someone who could be special and share quality time with. I ask friends and trusted colleagues if they know anyone, I participate in one (or sometimes two) dating sites, and I keep my eyes open at the grocery store and events.

But I wonder: am I pushing the universe where it's not meant to go? Will the life and love that I'm meant for come when it's the right time? Am I upsetting the balance?

As my friends know, I'm someone who is active. Life's not going to pass me by. If I want something, I'll go for it (within reason of course!). I've approached this new chapter in my life with passion, gusto, enthusiam and excitement. It's been a wonderful couple of years and I've learned so very much about myself.

I enjoy the single life and all it's brought me. So for now I'll keep on keeping on. But I'll keep an eye on the dating Budda.

To the men on dating sites

Dear guys who post their pictures on online dating sites:

I enjoy looking at most of your pictures. Through online dating I've met a lot of nice people. And seeing their pictures helped. But some of you just don't have a clue how to put your best face forward to bring you some success. So I thought I'd give you all some pointers.

1) Smile. No one wants to meet someone who looks like a grump, or worse, from the get go.
2) Keep your shirt on. Unless it's a real beach pictures, or you're a hot stud, I'd perfer not to see that first time out.
3) Have at least one picture with your hat off. I know guys like to wear baseball hats and all, and there's the balding thing, but I'll see it eventually.
4) Try a photo without sunglasses. If you're only posting one photo, make it one without sunglasses. How can I see what you look like?
5) Save the "look what I caught/shot" pictures for later. Why, oh why, do guys think that a photo of them holding a fish they just caught is going to appeal to women? Guys, yes. Hmmmm.
6) Don't try to impress me with photos of your cars, motorcycles or trucks. I'm dating you, not your vehicle.
7) Watch out when you post pictures with you a beautiful woman. Sure, she might be your sister. But it's a little intimidating for the rest of us.

Sincerely,
Sassy

Britney's boys

To whom it may concern:

How is it that Britney, known for her poor singing, dancer husbands, childcare issues and no-underpants nights, finds a boyfriend in no time flat?

I know. I know. She's a star and people want to hitch their *ahem* wagons to her. But geesh. She's unstable, kinda trashy and has two kids to drag around. While I, on the other hand, am a stable, working woman with her own house, own savings account, good job, is still looking for love.

Well, as my Doppleganger says, it's quality, not quantity. And, as usual, she's right.

And so I move on.

Adults only, please

Today I had a "goodbye" brunch with BuffaloBoy. This was his invitation, his idea.

When we decided that we needed to be done dating, we still had some things of each others. A book, a tennis racquet, that sort of thing. Anyway, Boy had to cancel our lunch on Friday due to a work issue. He called me at the office to ask if I'd rather go to a very swanky hotel for their famous champagne brunch. It's a beautiful place, perfect for a special occasion.

I accepted and he picked me up at 10:30. We went and had a nice time. We always have things to talk about; everything from the Democrats to a famous kidnapping. We were both dancing around the break-up, trying just to be friends and enjoying each other's company.

Finally, as we were winding up, Boy said he just needed to say one thing about our dating. His pitch was, "How often is it that you meet someone you really like?"

Exactly. I like him. He likes me. But I want more. I want someone to be in love with me, loving me for who and what I am. A woman who has a lot to offer.

In the end, it was an adult break-up, amicable and finite.

And so I move on.

Horse auction? Or horse's ass?

With the end of dating BuffaloBoy, I have put myself out there again on two dating sites. After a flurry of emails, I agreed to meet last weekend for a breakfast with someone I'll call Horse. Before this meeting, we had chatted on the phone and I thought he was fun, but a little edgy. Nothing off color, you understand, but sharp with his words. And not in the best way. But as Friend T and I say, "everyone gets a cup of coffee."

Now, I understand what age range I am dating. I understand we have all aged a bit. I know that we are not 18 any more. So when I meet Horse for the first time in front of the restaurant, I am not surprised that he is a little round, shall we say, around the middle.

We smile, make small talk and proceed into the restaurant. Our orders are taken and the chit-chat continues. The talk turns to keeping active and fit. He asked me what I do to keep in shape. I reply that I walk, hike when I can, play tennis, ride my bike. I say (OK a little stretch) that I try to eat healthy and take care of myself.

Then he says, with a wave of his hand to the open area of the floor, "Well turn around and let me see."

Luckily, I had my wits about me and replied, with sarcasm, "This is not a horse auction."

With his reply of, "Well for me it is," I was done. At least with this man. Although I have to admit I stayed around to finish my breakfast. I kept my polite demeanor, ended the date as soon as possible and got out of there.

What I want to know is in what universe is this type of comment to a first date OK? I'm constantly stumped with grown men who have been raised by wolves. Wolves with bad manners.

And so I move on.

The Torch and Me

As some of you know, I have been working through a slightly mysterious medical problem recently. As I move from 45 to 46 (Happy Birthday last November), I am aware of taking care of myself so I can stay active and healthy. I've been working with my regular doctor and now am on my way to a specialist next week.

Through this chapter, I have heard from The Torch regularly. Since we've decided to talk again and try to be friends, we have swapped emails, some phone calls, a few friendly games of tennis and a dinner or two. Lately, we have been talking medical things, since he has taken his first "stress test" and I have been working through my issues. I had recently mentioned to Torch that I was going to have some medical tests on Tuesday. On Tuesday evening, he called to ask how I was, how I was feeling. I told him that I would know test results on Friday. Last night he called and left a message, seeing if I was OK and wondering about the results of the tests.

One thing about The Torch that I've always liked is his relationship with his friends. He has a good "community" that he's built and works hard to keep in touch with everyone. He knows what it takes to be a good friend and regularly acts on it.

Now, the question is whether he is doing this as my friend, or as someone who is missing me. I'm still holding a candle, and foolishly or not, my hope springs eternal. Meanwhile, I'm keeping other dating options open....and taking care of my health.

Happy 2007

Hello to everyone and sorry for the big gap in writing. I had a horrid cold and cough before and during the holidays, went "home" to Mom's house for the holidays and then ended things with BuffaloBoy.

Yes, you heard that right. This has been coming for some time, but came to a head after the Thanksgiving lunch that he declined with my Mom and sis. I let him know that I didn't think I was his type/girl, but while I think he was listening, I'm not sure he heard. We tried to see each other a couple of more times before Christmas, but the "feeling" just wasn't there. The final straw (for me) was the fact that he didn't call on Christmas Day ("oh, I didn't have your cell number in my cell"), yet The Torch called to wish me a happy day.

Then Boy made plans with other friends to go out of town on New Year's Eve. Frankly, I think that after 6 months, if you are truly interested in someone, you should be planning that night with your sweetie. PLUS (to add insult to injury), I got an EMAIL for New Year's Eve Day, wishing me well. Again, The Torch called in person to wish me well.

To that end, Boy and I are meeting on Friday to swap things (my book and jacket, his tennis racquet). I'm sorry if he's hurt, but I'm not about to settle for someone who isn't showing me the respect and interest that I want.

And so I move on.