nice guy

Got a nice email from a nice guy on my online dating site. I was intrigued by his very optimistic outlook on life and his feeling that his friends are a blessing to his life.

Sounds a lot like me, does it not?

He is out of town on vacation, then going to a concert out of town, so I might not hear from him for a few days. But at least I know this and won't think that he is one of those guys with no manners. I don't mind hearing that someone isn't interested, but I think one should take the time to tell the other person.

I'll keep you informed....

Are manners outdated?

On my online dating service, there is a way to say "no thanks" to an email. If I send an email to someone and they are not interested, why do they not take the 1.5 second and push that button? Common courtesy. I extend the same to the gentlemen that I am not interested in. These boys better go back to Etiquette 101.

Things people say

Since I let all of you know about the very rude date asking a very personal question the other night, here are some of the other gems I have heard on either a first date/meeting, or even a first phone call. And let me just say....yikes!

"I'm ADD and never read anything." (great. I've been emailing you for the last month)
"Do you shave?" (I'm sure he did NOT mean my legs)
"Would you like a foot massage?" (I've heard that twice!)
"My ex wife is probably my best friend." (um, right)
"I don't really have time to date." (what are you doing then?)
"Can you buy me a beer?" (um, you asked for this date)

People, please. We are adults here. Let's chat about common courtesy. I know that small talk isn't easy for everyone, but goodness!

And so I move forward.....

Pardon me?

When did men start to say anything that came to their minds? Really. Last week on a blind online date, the guy asked about my former marriage. I told him that my husband didn't want to be married any more. I think it's best not to drag all that baggage out on the FIRST MEETING.

He pressed further, and I said that I believed my husband had a girlfriend while married to me. THEN he had the gall to ask, and I quote, "well, how was your sex life when you were married?"

Huh? What? *Sassy puts finger in ear to wiggle out any debris that might have caused her to hear that incorrectly.*

I replied, as ladylike as I could, that it was none of his business. THEN he proceeded to get all pouty like I was keeping something from him.

Oh, brother! Does no one have respect for another person? Literally, I am a stranger to this man. We have emailed a few time, talked on the phone and met for one small glass of wine.

Un. Bee. Leave. Able.

And so I move on......

Editor in charge

Well, I've decided to change out my profile on my main dating online service. I wanted to cut through the clutter of "walking on the beach" crap, so I went for much morespecific. The reason? I am not getting as many "hits" lately and if I do, they are just not my guys. I was talking to Shiny Penny the other day and she had a wonderful piece of advice for me. When she found herself single again and was lamenting the dearth of men to date, her mother said, "It only takes one."

I like that. I'm looking for the right one. As Dr. Phil says, not Mr. Right Now, but Mr. Right. I have to accept that it will take some time to do it right and I deserve a fabulous relationship that fills everything I need.

I've also removed some of my old photos that have been there a while. One is even from almost 2.5 years ago. I need to tell how I look today.

I'll let you know how it goes. And so I move forward....

Slow. But OK.

Not too much for dating these days. I actually hid myself on one of my dating sites. I just feel like I am not finding the right people. I've had this thought that I want to concentrate on quality. And that tends to narrow the field.

I've been doing a lot of thinking of what I want and while some people would percieve this as picky, I think it's OK to have standards. I've seen too many examples of women (and men) settling for going out with someone because they aren't comfortable being alone and single. Friend R is an example. This person is dating someone who already has a significant other (no marriage). R keeps dating, even though the date isn't making any move to get away from the S.O. Yet R stays in there, frustrated, only getting part of a real relationship. And I just think people (including myself) deserve more than that.

I mean, I wouldn't wear shoes if they hurt my feet. OK, maybe I would. Another example: I wouldn't keep around a toaster that never did my toast right. I'd move on.

*sigh*

OK, now for the recent updates. No word at all from Blue Eyes. Too bad, but I have to remember that means that he is just not the one. Had a blind on-line meeting this week. This was Gold Chain. Nice, but too old (51) for me. I need someone more young and more hip. Is that weird? Do you believe that he asked me, on our first MEETING, if I wanted to go to the shore with him for the Memorial Day weekend. "Uh, no." I hardly know him. What was he thinking? And so I move on....

Puh-leeze

You're a 51 year man. Please do not wear a gold chain. You're not on The Sopranos. You're not a disco king. You're not John Travolta. And you're not 25. It does not hold a religious charm. It's not a gift from your wife. Or your kids.

Take it off. Now.

Thank you.

What to do, Blue Eyes?

Blue Eyes has emailed and said that he would like to see me again, but things are busy in his life. He apologized to me. I did run into him last Sunday (he told me where he was going to be in the afternoon). After that, he emailed to say hello, but no date.

Usually I would let this go, but for some reason I'm intrigued. He's cute, fun and smart. I would very much like another date with him. If there is something going on in his life that's preventing him from dating me, I can't do much about it.

I feel there are two sides to this: one, he's just not that into me and making excuses. Look, he's not making dates with me. On the other hand, he keeps leaving the door open when he clearly doesn't owe me anything.

I believe my plan now is to just keep a casual dialog open. Perhaps if I keep hearing from him, I'll suggest getting together and see how he reacts. *sigh* It's not often I find someone who I enjoy as much. I guess it's just a chemistry thing, but they are few and far between.

And so I go on....

Goodbye blue-collar guy

Well, it's good bye to Blue Collar Guy. Met through my online service. He was a sweet, nice man, but not for me. We met twice after some emails and phone calls. He was definitely different from my regular dates because of his background, job, upbringing, etc. But I did like that he was very nice and complimentary. Yet, he was almost too much too fast. He wanted a relationship right off the bat. And I just wasn't that into him.

Plus, he was pouting when I said that I was dating others while I dated (2 meetings!) him. That's a sign, ladies. And I move forward.....

Why?

Why is it that the people you really like just aren't into you, while the ones you really aren't crazy about tend to get all wild about you? Where is that sweet spot?

Decisions about The Torch

Without going into too much detail, I heard some news this week that made me The Torch and how I've worked to resolve some things about that relationship.

This man is still very important to me, but the information that I heard this past week simply confirms that I made the right, although very, very hard decision to stop contact with him. My thoughts have been all along that he needs to finish and confront some things in his past relationships. Without this, which he isn't able/isn't ready to do, will stop him from a healther partnership, I believe. I could be a super-model nuclear professor and he still would have the block and not be able to have a relationship with me.

*sigh* I think so much of him as a person. He's funny, smart, interesting, sensitive. If he could move past these old issues, I believe he would find himself a happier, healthier person. Hence the reason I had to move on. Hard, but healthier for me.

My thoughts are with you, Torch. Even if it isn't with me, I wish you the best in untangling whatever it is.

And I move forward....

Another day, another date

Well, I'm meeting a new gentleman tomorrow evening. I've chatted on the phone, but we've never met. It will be our first meeting. I'm just not sure. Nothing big, it's just that he may not be like the guys I'm usually attracted to. We are going to have a drink after work. He seems sweet. We'll see. And so I go on.....

S-P-E-L-L

It's constantly amazing to me how many of the men that I email through my on-line service who can't/won't spell correctly. Oh, I know. Some people just aren't email people. Some people don't type that well. But come on! Most of these men got out of college; some have grad degrees. Yet they don't correctly use the difference between "you're" and "your." Isn't that fundamental? And don't they look over an email before they send it?

I will admit that I'm not always the perfect speller or typist. Even as a writer, my brain sometimes goes faster than my fingers. So I understand the occasional spelling mistake. But a full email to someone that you might be trying to impress? Put on the thinking cap, boys!

On other news, got a nice, but somewhat nebulous email from Blue Eyes. He asked if I had any plans this coming weekend. Is that an invite to a date? I wrote him back that I had some free time, so we'll see what happens next.

And there's a new person in play. We've had some nice phone calls, but I'm not sure. And I've learned that if my gut is questioning things, I need to pay attention. Nothing big or bad, just things that make me think he's not a total match for me. But as Best Friend T says, "it's just a glass of wine/cup of coffee." And so I move forward....