Put your feet in the stirrups, please

Some friends may recall this dating story from a year or so ago, but I thought it would be fun to record it for posterity. It involves a first date, drinks and an episiotomy. Thankfully, only the date and the drinks are mine.

I met this gentleman online in one of the dating sites, and after a bit of correspondence and chat via telephone, we decided to meet for a drink after work. I arrive, my usual, bubbly self, ready to smile and chat and see if any chemistry is there. Now, those who have dating off the websites know that this is a hit-or-miss proposition, as all dating tends to be. But my wonderful friend T and I have a “hey, it’s just coffee attitude.” Worst case, it’s an hour out of your day and you get a cocktail or coffee in the mix.

The gentleman and I actually meet in the parking lot, having recognized each other from pictures that were swapped. He looks a tad older than I expected, but I’m there and game. [Aside: I’m learning in the mid-40s group, you have either aged fairly well or you look really old. I think I’m looking good for my age even with a few new wrinkles, grey hair and experience on my face and body. Some of the men….whew!]

We sit down and order a cold drink. As you recall I like to chat and to tell, and listen to, stories. We exchange information about the usual; how dating is going, how was the workday, families, etc. He’s doing OK, but I do find out that this is his FIRST DATE since his divorce. I can accept that…everyone has to have a first date. Then, the story started.

It seems that he has decided that his story tonight involves the birth of his son and his then-wife’s labor. He is off to a roaring start, and I, frankly, can’t get a word in edgewise. He rolls on through going to the hospital, talking to the doctors, and then he gets to the nitty-gritty. He actually mentions the words “wife,” “stirrups,” and “episiotomy” on a FIRST DATE! Wow, thanks for the visual as I’m working on a drink and contemplating ordering a little appetizer. This easily goes on for about 40 minutes. No kidding.

Gentlemen everywhere, this isn’t a position that ANY woman feels comfortable in. We don’t like being in the stirrups for any reason, even the birth of a long-awaited baby. Not. Good. Date. Conversation.

I’m thinking perhaps I should do a “Comments Card” at the end of some dates. I think some guys are clueless and they just need a little help. Could I be a “Dating Coach” for men out there? (Reference the movie “Hitch” with that hottie Will Smith.)

Needless to say, that was the only date with this man. And I move forward….