Cereal, paper towels and one date, please

My most-hated chore of all time is going to the grocery store. I invariably end up forgetting something I really need (Tide!), buy stuff that isn’t really food, and feel like I waste both time and money in one fell swoop.

Now, one of the theories of dating is to look for the “fate-date.” That’s meeting someone at random, striking up a conversation, exchanging numbers. Has never happened to me since I’ve been dating recently and I can’t remember if it ever happened to me when I was single in my 20s.

So when I was at the grocery store last night, I thought, “Hey, what an opportunity to make this more fun and practice my “fate-date” flirting.” I looked around as I started in the produce section. Older ladies, couples, young college people. No one in my category. I turned down the main back aisle, keeping my eye on the list and my eye out for guys. Soon I saw someone who at least looked around my age bracket and was a male. Then things started getting dicey.

Since I live in the city, there are lots of different people that I run into. Some tall, some short. Some married, some not. Some straight, some gay. And usually I can discern which is which. But all of the sudden at the grocery store my radar is failing me. I feel like I’ve dropped into a world where not only am I going to angst over this Soft Scrub to buy (there are about 14 versions!), but I can no longer decide who I should flirt with. Arrgghh.

After the cereal aisle, I make the decision. Tonight is not the night for me. Get the goods, get home. So I trundle up to check-out #5 and there, in front of me is a male species. I decide to work on my flirting techniques anyway. If he’s gay, it will give him a chuckle. And if he’s straight, it’ll give me some practice.

Me: From the looks of your groceries, I should come and eat dinner at your house.
Him: This isn’t just for dinner, it’s for the whole week.
Me: Looks like you’ll be going through a lot of paper products this week too.
Him: Can’t have too much paper.

Thunk. My flirting wasn’t much, but it was a start. Dude, give me a little bit here. I’m trying to flirt with you. Please help me. OK, maybe it wasn’t the wittiest repartee, but you could have at least smiled.

Next week, maybe the video store…..