the Torch burns on

I keep waiting for it to go away. Like a backache, it comes and goes, bothering me, not bothering, there, not there.

The other night I was relaxing at home when the phone rang. The caller ID said it was The Torch and my heart leapt like a frog out of a pond. I answered and we talked and talked. Honestly, 140 minutes. Covered topics ranging from work to risk to fathers to party gossip. It was a wonderful, fulfilling conversation.

This morning I was wondering about his actions. Does he treat me like he does other women friends? Does he know how much phone calls and invitations and evenings keep me in the game? I don't think he does any of this maliciously, but it keeps me in there, damn it. Or is he thinking about dating me again and just starting the motions?

What I tell myself at this point in time is stay in there, because I love him in my life. Meanwhile, keep other avenues open. Perhaps he is a "standard" that's been put into my life to remind me what is important to me: intelligence, kindness, curiousity, physical attraction. And when I find someone else who has the right qualities, I will know it and think, "Torch who?"