As most of you know, the Torch and I are still being friends and hanging out. After the Social Worker and my bruised heart, I had some thinking to do. And a lot of that thinking about is about the Torch.
I still have deep feelings for him. He is so much of what I want--except in the one thing that is most important. He is honest and kind, smart and interesting. He doesn't smoke and knows his limits in beer. We have our work in common, and have the same sensibilities in a lot of things. It's the commitment. He isn't/can't/won't give me the thing that I want. Whether he is still uptangling things still from his ex-wife, or just doesn't have the huge feelings to make a romantic relationship with me, I can't change it. My thought for him is: I can't ask him to give me what he doesn't have.
Sometimes, feeling lonely or frustrated with my dating life, I have a fantasy where I ask him if he'd like to try again to date, have fun and see what develops. But I know that if it was there, we would have talked about it by now. And I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with him.
And so I move on.
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2 comments:
You're so smart, Sassy. I had a Torch once, too, and I wish I had backed off much sooner than I did.
It's too bad your doesn't want a commitment. Whatever. It's his loss.
But that doesn't make it easy for you. Can you remain friends without wanting more? If you can, you're a lot stronger than I ever was.
I'm sorry about this. I really am.
If it's any consolation, my Torch did eventually commit to someone else, but only after he'd lost much of his appeal (he kind of shrunk and got really dark around the eyes). The person he married surprised me, as well; I'd always feared I wasn't quite good enough for him, but the woman he married turned out to be loud, brassy, and gave every other woman (not just me) in the vicinity the evil eye.
I wouldn't ever trade places with her.
I certainly don't wish any harm on your Torch, but I wonder if sometimes we don't get what we want because something better is waiting for us down the road.
In my case, it did.
Oh, Terry, thank you. My heart and my head fight over my Torch....my heart is lonely and knows he's a good guy. My head says that if he can't commit for whatever reason, he's not the man I want or deserve.
I'll keep thinking my positive thoughts and visualizations about the one who is waiting down the road.
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