As the weeks are progressing, The Boyfriend and I are find our own groove, routine, whatever you want to call it. I'm adjusting well to the "next phase" I think.
He comes over in the evenings after his martial arts class to have dinner and I'm enjoying cooking for such an appreciative eater. For those who don't know, he's an ex-high school jock and eats a LOT. He makes time to keep in good shape and eats healthy even if it's portions that would feed a small army of Sassies.
Anyway, the other evening we were sitting on the deck eating dinner and listening to music and the sounds of summer in Virginia. I am really enjoying this time since it's a good time to swap stories, make requests and propose new ideas for what we'd like to do for fun. Whatever we talk about--our weekend before, the week coming up, friends and neighbors, families, what we are thinking--is always fun. We tend to laugh a lot and I love that. We don't always see eye-to-eye, but we are old enough and experienced enough to listen and respectfully disagree.
I have to confess that I still miss the wooing and chase a bit, but I do love the realization that he is my steady, enjoys me and thinks I'm amazing. And that is the comfort of finding the comfortable stage.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Amazing Adult Relationship
A few weeks ago, the Boyfriend and I had plans to go downtown dancing. As we got ready to leave my house, a little disagreement insued. I was angry and frustrated; he was frustrated. We argued a little bit, then got in the car to leave. I decided to just be a quiet, knowing that if I talked, I would add to the tension.
When we got to the parking lot, Boyfriend and I got out and he suggested that we walk around the long way. At the corner of Main and 6th he stopped and requested that we talk about what had just happened. He was low-key and quiet about it, but clearly wanted to communicate. Boyfriend asked me what was under my anger and really, truly wanted to see why I was so upset.
When we started talking I noticed his demeanor was calm and logical. I told him that I felt critized, and that my feelings were hurt. He told me that he understood and pointed out that what we were talking about was trivial compared to our relationship. We talked about how I could feel better (a solution!) and decided to go and have a good time dancing.
Saturday we talked a little again and I was just blown away by having a boyfriend that is so calm and understanding. This is showing me that this is a real adult relationship with people who want to communicate and find a place where both can be happy. He also mentioned that he was grateful to have a girlfriend who was willing to be open and communicate and work things out to grow and learn.
Once again, the Boyfriend is proving to be someone I am happy to have in my life.
When we got to the parking lot, Boyfriend and I got out and he suggested that we walk around the long way. At the corner of Main and 6th he stopped and requested that we talk about what had just happened. He was low-key and quiet about it, but clearly wanted to communicate. Boyfriend asked me what was under my anger and really, truly wanted to see why I was so upset.
When we started talking I noticed his demeanor was calm and logical. I told him that I felt critized, and that my feelings were hurt. He told me that he understood and pointed out that what we were talking about was trivial compared to our relationship. We talked about how I could feel better (a solution!) and decided to go and have a good time dancing.
Saturday we talked a little again and I was just blown away by having a boyfriend that is so calm and understanding. This is showing me that this is a real adult relationship with people who want to communicate and find a place where both can be happy. He also mentioned that he was grateful to have a girlfriend who was willing to be open and communicate and work things out to grow and learn.
Once again, the Boyfriend is proving to be someone I am happy to have in my life.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Constant and consistent
Well, the Boyfriend and I have passed the 3 month mark and I'm adjusting rather well. Why do I say "adjusting" you ask? Well, with the Boyfriend, the kind of "honeymoon" phase is over and we're now settled into having kind of an everyday life of being a couple. Watching TV, going to the gym, an occasional evening out (contra dancing last Sat). I always like the "goo-goo" phase, but I know that all relationships go past that if they are to continue.
When the Boyfriend and I talked about this a week or more ago, I mentioned that I was sorry to see the first part of the romance fading. He answered that he actually likes to get to the next phase because it shows more of who the person is, and if there is a real staying power to the relationship. Wow. Actually a guy who wants to see what's next. Amazing.
Another thing that I am both amazed about and grateful for is the Boyfriend's consistency in his actions and words. He's dependable, something that I highly value. He's constant in the old-fashioned way....meaning that he is there every day, without fail, without question.
I truly think that he is the real deal. And I'm looking forward to what happens next.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
flowers
Last night the Boyfriend came over after his martial arts class for dinner. In his hands, along with some grapes and bananas and such, was a bouquet of flowers. So sweet. When I asked what the special occasion was, he replied, "just because you're my girlfriend."
I'm constantly tickled with time spent with him. He's a great conversationalist and funny and smart. We have some things in common, but are not twins joined at the hip. I remember that I told him once that I like people who challenge me...and he does.
I'm happy and want to tell everyone!
I'm constantly tickled with time spent with him. He's a great conversationalist and funny and smart. We have some things in common, but are not twins joined at the hip. I remember that I told him once that I like people who challenge me...and he does.
I'm happy and want to tell everyone!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Busy and quick
Been a long time since I've visited my blog, but wanted to give a quick update. I'll give a longer one soon, I hope!
Shy guy, although still a friend, was in and out of the picture quite quickly. Although I tried to give him the encouragement to ask me out again, it just didn't happen. Or rather, it happened, but I was ill with a horrid cold, and then he just dropped off. I guess this is why he's still single after 52 years.
Tall Guy, however, now holds the title of "boyfriend." We've been seeing each other steadily since our first outing and have had all kinds of fun. I started off cautiously, but after about a month, I saw such a great person in front of me. He really is committed to exploring a relationship with me and is kind, generous and funny.
more to come.....
Shy guy, although still a friend, was in and out of the picture quite quickly. Although I tried to give him the encouragement to ask me out again, it just didn't happen. Or rather, it happened, but I was ill with a horrid cold, and then he just dropped off. I guess this is why he's still single after 52 years.
Tall Guy, however, now holds the title of "boyfriend." We've been seeing each other steadily since our first outing and have had all kinds of fun. I started off cautiously, but after about a month, I saw such a great person in front of me. He really is committed to exploring a relationship with me and is kind, generous and funny.
more to come.....
Monday, February 11, 2008
Coming out of the woodwork
Hi all--sorry it's been a long time since posts.
Well, the past three weeks have been a little exciting, frustrating, surprising. On one Thursday about three weeks ago, I heard from not one, but two guys. Both have been friends of late and I was surprised at the interest in me.
Guy 1 (Shy Guy) has been a friend for a few years. He's part of a group of people that all hang around together. He's a shy bachelor, never married. He's friendly and sweet. Anyway, he called and wanted to know if I would like to go to a concert with him. Yes, I said, thinking that it was just part of the group. When he said, "Well, it's a date then" I was slightly taken aback. The concert is actually in May, so he then asked for a date earlier. He was very sweet on the phone, telling me that I made him feel so at ease with my friendly personality. I let him know that I was nervous about the dating a friend part....and that I had dated another man in the group about 3 years before. We decided that we would try a date or two and see how it worked.
So Friday night, Shy Guy and I went out and had a really nice time. He treated me to the ballet, then out for late-night appetizers and wine. He's fun and sweet. The BIG question is: do i feel a physical attraction there? So far, only friendship. But I'm willing to try another date to see.
Guy 2 (Tall Guy) has been a friend a little under a year. Actually, I met him through a singles activity group and we clicked. Then I saw him on one of the online dating sites and approached him to maybe get to know each other better. He kindly responded that he wanted to just be friends and was not really dating anyone. To make a long story short, we kept up a loose friendship, he dating someone else, I dated someone else. He asked me to go dancing one night (as friends with his gal's blessing) , but other than that we just saw each other in group occasions and talked maybe once every 10 days by short emails).
About three weeks ago, he let me know that he and his girlfriend were breaking up and wanted to know if I was free to date. We had some serious in-depth discussion since I didn't want to be his reason for breaking up (they had dated about 5 months) and I didn't want to be a rebound girl. He confessed that after going dancing that night (it was very platonic as we belong to the activity group that dances frequently together), that he has serious doubts that he was even dating the right girl...and that maybe it should have been me.
So the other night, now free from his obligations to the girlfriend, we saw each other for a rather short date. Tall Guy brought over some wine, cheese and crackers and we just talked. I find him very attractive physically, intellectually and emotionally. We are just at the start of getting to know each other, so I'm taking it all really slow. We have another date this coming weekend and hopefully we'll be getting more clairity if this is something we want to continue.
And so i move on!
Well, the past three weeks have been a little exciting, frustrating, surprising. On one Thursday about three weeks ago, I heard from not one, but two guys. Both have been friends of late and I was surprised at the interest in me.
Guy 1 (Shy Guy) has been a friend for a few years. He's part of a group of people that all hang around together. He's a shy bachelor, never married. He's friendly and sweet. Anyway, he called and wanted to know if I would like to go to a concert with him. Yes, I said, thinking that it was just part of the group. When he said, "Well, it's a date then" I was slightly taken aback. The concert is actually in May, so he then asked for a date earlier. He was very sweet on the phone, telling me that I made him feel so at ease with my friendly personality. I let him know that I was nervous about the dating a friend part....and that I had dated another man in the group about 3 years before. We decided that we would try a date or two and see how it worked.
So Friday night, Shy Guy and I went out and had a really nice time. He treated me to the ballet, then out for late-night appetizers and wine. He's fun and sweet. The BIG question is: do i feel a physical attraction there? So far, only friendship. But I'm willing to try another date to see.
Guy 2 (Tall Guy) has been a friend a little under a year. Actually, I met him through a singles activity group and we clicked. Then I saw him on one of the online dating sites and approached him to maybe get to know each other better. He kindly responded that he wanted to just be friends and was not really dating anyone. To make a long story short, we kept up a loose friendship, he dating someone else, I dated someone else. He asked me to go dancing one night (as friends with his gal's blessing) , but other than that we just saw each other in group occasions and talked maybe once every 10 days by short emails).
About three weeks ago, he let me know that he and his girlfriend were breaking up and wanted to know if I was free to date. We had some serious in-depth discussion since I didn't want to be his reason for breaking up (they had dated about 5 months) and I didn't want to be a rebound girl. He confessed that after going dancing that night (it was very platonic as we belong to the activity group that dances frequently together), that he has serious doubts that he was even dating the right girl...and that maybe it should have been me.
So the other night, now free from his obligations to the girlfriend, we saw each other for a rather short date. Tall Guy brought over some wine, cheese and crackers and we just talked. I find him very attractive physically, intellectually and emotionally. We are just at the start of getting to know each other, so I'm taking it all really slow. We have another date this coming weekend and hopefully we'll be getting more clairity if this is something we want to continue.
And so i move on!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Thinking about it
Lately I've been reading a lot and thinking a lot about visualizing what you want to make it come to you. I guess that's the premise behind the book, "The Secret," but I've not read it yet. Also I've read that athletes also use this--they see themselves making the touchdown and feeling the fun of winning.
Anyway, I'm working to use this on my dating and meeting people. OK, meeting men. So I've made myself kind of a special list of the qualities that I would like in a partner. Then I quietly work to think how that person would make me feel.
I've enjoyed this process, and while I'm skeptical at times, it has helped very much in that I know now what I want/need in a partner and this had helped me sort through online profiles and made me realize that I need to use my time with someone who fills most of my list so that I am happy and healthy in my next relationship.
Anyway, I'm working to use this on my dating and meeting people. OK, meeting men. So I've made myself kind of a special list of the qualities that I would like in a partner. Then I quietly work to think how that person would make me feel.
I've enjoyed this process, and while I'm skeptical at times, it has helped very much in that I know now what I want/need in a partner and this had helped me sort through online profiles and made me realize that I need to use my time with someone who fills most of my list so that I am happy and healthy in my next relationship.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Torch update
As most of you know, the Torch and I are still being friends and hanging out. After the Social Worker and my bruised heart, I had some thinking to do. And a lot of that thinking about is about the Torch.
I still have deep feelings for him. He is so much of what I want--except in the one thing that is most important. He is honest and kind, smart and interesting. He doesn't smoke and knows his limits in beer. We have our work in common, and have the same sensibilities in a lot of things. It's the commitment. He isn't/can't/won't give me the thing that I want. Whether he is still uptangling things still from his ex-wife, or just doesn't have the huge feelings to make a romantic relationship with me, I can't change it. My thought for him is: I can't ask him to give me what he doesn't have.
Sometimes, feeling lonely or frustrated with my dating life, I have a fantasy where I ask him if he'd like to try again to date, have fun and see what develops. But I know that if it was there, we would have talked about it by now. And I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with him.
And so I move on.
I still have deep feelings for him. He is so much of what I want--except in the one thing that is most important. He is honest and kind, smart and interesting. He doesn't smoke and knows his limits in beer. We have our work in common, and have the same sensibilities in a lot of things. It's the commitment. He isn't/can't/won't give me the thing that I want. Whether he is still uptangling things still from his ex-wife, or just doesn't have the huge feelings to make a romantic relationship with me, I can't change it. My thought for him is: I can't ask him to give me what he doesn't have.
Sometimes, feeling lonely or frustrated with my dating life, I have a fantasy where I ask him if he'd like to try again to date, have fun and see what develops. But I know that if it was there, we would have talked about it by now. And I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with him.
And so I move on.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Red flags at night
I know. I know. I have a lot of catching up to do. So my first entry of the new year will share a story of a guy I met before the holidays.
I had signed up for a group activity--going hiking through one of our local historical cemeteries. This was with an outdoor group through MeetUp.com that I enjoy. As the group assembled, I looked around for someone else that I knew. Since there was no one, I introduced myself around. One man looked kind of interesting to me and we smiled at each other, but nothing more.
The hike started and the company was congenial. It was a cool, damp morning and I love feeling the history swirl around me. The gravestones are fascinating and I enjoyed that atmosphere and the day. As the group got spaced further and further apart, I found myself walking with a man with white hair and a nice smile.
We chatted and talked and had a nice time. He was complimentary to me and we thought that we had a lot in common. He did mentioned that he worked at the local Gap, but I thought he was either kidding or taking a second job at 45 to help with holiday bills. At the end of the tour, he asked if I would like coffee. Sure. Sounds nice.
As we settled in for coffee, more of his story came out. He really did work at the Gap. He was a recovering alcoholic. He was on medication. Gee! How could I have not seen all that? He was perfectly nice, chatting at the cemetary.
And so we parted. But, of course, he called. Told me how lovely I was. How smart and friendly. And those words can feel good sometimes. But as I've learned: pay attention to warning signs. They spell trouble ahead.
I had signed up for a group activity--going hiking through one of our local historical cemeteries. This was with an outdoor group through MeetUp.com that I enjoy. As the group assembled, I looked around for someone else that I knew. Since there was no one, I introduced myself around. One man looked kind of interesting to me and we smiled at each other, but nothing more.
The hike started and the company was congenial. It was a cool, damp morning and I love feeling the history swirl around me. The gravestones are fascinating and I enjoyed that atmosphere and the day. As the group got spaced further and further apart, I found myself walking with a man with white hair and a nice smile.
We chatted and talked and had a nice time. He was complimentary to me and we thought that we had a lot in common. He did mentioned that he worked at the local Gap, but I thought he was either kidding or taking a second job at 45 to help with holiday bills. At the end of the tour, he asked if I would like coffee. Sure. Sounds nice.
As we settled in for coffee, more of his story came out. He really did work at the Gap. He was a recovering alcoholic. He was on medication. Gee! How could I have not seen all that? He was perfectly nice, chatting at the cemetary.
And so we parted. But, of course, he called. Told me how lovely I was. How smart and friendly. And those words can feel good sometimes. But as I've learned: pay attention to warning signs. They spell trouble ahead.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Short or long?
Yesterday I was speaking to a work associate and she asked how long I had been single. When I answered, "3+ years," she said, "oh, that isn't that long."
As I was thinking about that this morning, I wondered if it felt long or short to me. My conclusion? Depends on the day. However, it got me to start thinking about all the things I've done and experienced.
• taught classes at the local university.
• been laid off of work twice (typical for advertising agencies)
• started my own little freelance business twice
• taken lessons at the local art co-op
• been to Italy with the Wingwoman
• had a few parties
• had a few bottles of wine
• remodeled my kitchen
• been on lots of dates; some wonderful, some not so much
• fallen in love twice
• had my heart bruised twice
• met a variety of men and women from many different walks of life
• bruised a few hearts or a least some egos
• had a surprise birthday party given for me
• learned a lot about myself, including how strong I am
• biked 20 miles on one ride
• hiked more than 7 miles in one afternoon
And that's just what I can think of right now! As I look at this list, I'm amazed and grateful.
And so I move on....
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