Constant and consistent

Well, the Boyfriend and I have passed the 3 month mark and I'm adjusting rather well. Why do I say "adjusting" you ask? Well, with the Boyfriend, the kind of "honeymoon" phase is over and we're now settled into having kind of an everyday life of being a couple. Watching TV, going to the gym, an occasional evening out (contra dancing last Sat). I always like the "goo-goo" phase, but I know that all relationships go past that if they are to continue.

When the Boyfriend and I talked about this a week or more ago, I mentioned that I was sorry to see the first part of the romance fading. He answered that he actually likes to get to the next phase because it shows more of who the person is, and if there is a real staying power to the relationship. Wow. Actually a guy who wants to see what's next. Amazing.

Another thing that I am both amazed about and grateful for is the Boyfriend's consistency in his actions and words. He's dependable, something that I highly value. He's constant in the old-fashioned way....meaning that he is there every day, without fail, without question.

I truly think that he is the real deal. And I'm looking forward to what happens next.

Coming out of the woodwork

Hi all--sorry it's been a long time since posts.

Well, the past three weeks have been a little exciting, frustrating, surprising. On one Thursday about three weeks ago, I heard from not one, but two guys. Both have been friends of late and I was surprised at the interest in me.

Guy 1 (Shy Guy) has been a friend for a few years. He's part of a group of people that all hang around together. He's a shy bachelor, never married. He's friendly and sweet. Anyway, he called and wanted to know if I would like to go to a concert with him. Yes, I said, thinking that it was just part of the group. When he said, "Well, it's a date then" I was slightly taken aback. The concert is actually in May, so he then asked for a date earlier. He was very sweet on the phone, telling me that I made him feel so at ease with my friendly personality. I let him know that I was nervous about the dating a friend part....and that I had dated another man in the group about 3 years before. We decided that we would try a date or two and see how it worked.

So Friday night, Shy Guy and I went out and had a really nice time. He treated me to the ballet, then out for late-night appetizers and wine. He's fun and sweet. The BIG question is: do i feel a physical attraction there? So far, only friendship. But I'm willing to try another date to see.

Guy 2 (Tall Guy) has been a friend a little under a year. Actually, I met him through a singles activity group and we clicked. Then I saw him on one of the online dating sites and approached him to maybe get to know each other better. He kindly responded that he wanted to just be friends and was not really dating anyone. To make a long story short, we kept up a loose friendship, he dating someone else, I dated someone else. He asked me to go dancing one night (as friends with his gal's blessing) , but other than that we just saw each other in group occasions and talked maybe once every 10 days by short emails).

About three weeks ago, he let me know that he and his girlfriend were breaking up and wanted to know if I was free to date. We had some serious in-depth discussion since I didn't want to be his reason for breaking up (they had dated about 5 months) and I didn't want to be a rebound girl. He confessed that after going dancing that night (it was very platonic as we belong to the activity group that dances frequently together), that he has serious doubts that he was even dating the right girl...and that maybe it should have been me.

So the other night, now free from his obligations to the girlfriend, we saw each other for a rather short date. Tall Guy brought over some wine, cheese and crackers and we just talked. I find him very attractive physically, intellectually and emotionally. We are just at the start of getting to know each other, so I'm taking it all really slow. We have another date this coming weekend and hopefully we'll be getting more clairity if this is something we want to continue.

And so i move on!

Short or long?

Yesterday I was speaking to a work associate and she asked how long I had been single. When I answered, "3+ years," she said, "oh, that isn't that long."

As I was thinking about that this morning, I wondered if it felt long or short to me. My conclusion? Depends on the day. However, it got me to start thinking about all the things I've done and experienced.

• taught classes at the local university.
• been laid off of work twice (typical for advertising agencies)
• started my own little freelance business twice
• taken lessons at the local art co-op
• been to Italy with the Wingwoman
• had a few parties
• had a few bottles of wine
• remodeled my kitchen
• been on lots of dates; some wonderful, some not so much
• fallen in love twice
• had my heart bruised twice
• met a variety of men and women from many different walks of life
• bruised a few hearts or a least some egos
• had a surprise birthday party given for me
• learned a lot about myself, including how strong I am
• biked 20 miles on one ride
• hiked more than 7 miles in one afternoon

And that's just what I can think of right now! As I look at this list, I'm amazed and grateful.
And so I move on....

Slow and go

This morning SW called. I was happy and nervous to talk with him. I didn't want to cry again after an on-off day of sad tears on Wednesday.

He let me know about some work issues that we had talked about and how they resolved. We then switched to a talk about us. SW said that he had missed talking to me and that he was thinking about me. I asked him what he wanted to do about us seeing each other. He said that he'd like to see each other and that he had real feelings for me, but he had so many pressures on him. I let him know that I would be happy to date slowly and casually.

Although we started out with a bang, this type of dating makes a lot more sense for two people who haven't known each other that long. He asked if we could do that (dating casually) since we both are the types of people who jump right in. I assured him it was fine. I let him know that he didn't have to call me every day (something he had initiated), that he could call and make a date and then not need to check in every day.

He said that it could work as long as I didn't get mad for him not calling every day. I reminded him that I've not been like that through the whole beginning and that I was mature and understanding about all the things in his life. He acknowledged that I was not like that and that he knew I was a mature and open person.

I did let him know that I had some parameters about dating casually...honesty and trust and just dating each other unless we told each other. He let me know that all that was very OK with him.

We left the conversation on a good note, talking about the kids and work and such. We didn't make a next date, but I didn't expect that. I do expect a different sort of relationship, but I believe it will be much more in line with reality.

And so I move on....with optimism.

To flirt or not to flirt

This evening I went to a happy hour with a career networking/social group. The room was fun and crowded and mixed. I caught up with lovely KT and chatted with the proofreading guru. At one point, there were a bunch of us at a table talking about art and football and topless beaches.

At the table was a guy about my age. No wedding ring. He was having a nice conversation and actually was speaking to me directly. I liked his thoughts, his looks, his friendliness. Could he be a possible date to get to know better? I gave him my name and actually found that he had a colleague who I had worked with years ago. Soon, KT spoke up and asked how his wife was feeling.

Surprised at first, I then wondered if I am looking "too much" for dating prospects instead of just enjoying people. I am torn. One school of thought says that you should be open to all possibilities. The other says that you shouldn't be out there prowling, but being thoughtful about who are think about.

A lesson for me in there somewhere, I'm sure.

And so I move on.

My (kinda) Zen moment

Today as I was driving home from work, I thought about the dating scene and how I was going about meeting someone who could be special and share quality time with. I ask friends and trusted colleagues if they know anyone, I participate in one (or sometimes two) dating sites, and I keep my eyes open at the grocery store and events.

But I wonder: am I pushing the universe where it's not meant to go? Will the life and love that I'm meant for come when it's the right time? Am I upsetting the balance?

As my friends know, I'm someone who is active. Life's not going to pass me by. If I want something, I'll go for it (within reason of course!). I've approached this new chapter in my life with passion, gusto, enthusiam and excitement. It's been a wonderful couple of years and I've learned so very much about myself.

I enjoy the single life and all it's brought me. So for now I'll keep on keeping on. But I'll keep an eye on the dating Budda.

To the men on dating sites

Dear guys who post their pictures on online dating sites:

I enjoy looking at most of your pictures. Through online dating I've met a lot of nice people. And seeing their pictures helped. But some of you just don't have a clue how to put your best face forward to bring you some success. So I thought I'd give you all some pointers.

1) Smile. No one wants to meet someone who looks like a grump, or worse, from the get go.
2) Keep your shirt on. Unless it's a real beach pictures, or you're a hot stud, I'd perfer not to see that first time out.
3) Have at least one picture with your hat off. I know guys like to wear baseball hats and all, and there's the balding thing, but I'll see it eventually.
4) Try a photo without sunglasses. If you're only posting one photo, make it one without sunglasses. How can I see what you look like?
5) Save the "look what I caught/shot" pictures for later. Why, oh why, do guys think that a photo of them holding a fish they just caught is going to appeal to women? Guys, yes. Hmmmm.
6) Don't try to impress me with photos of your cars, motorcycles or trucks. I'm dating you, not your vehicle.
7) Watch out when you post pictures with you a beautiful woman. Sure, she might be your sister. But it's a little intimidating for the rest of us.

Sincerely,
Sassy