It never rains, but it....blah, blah, blah

What in the universe says that at one time you sit around with nothing to do, even with the Great Girlfriends, and the next you crave just one single night at home?

These last two weeks have been a blur. With work, regular social stuff, teaching, etc., I feel like I've been running and gunning. Add KitKat guy and a new "friend" (not sure what to name him), plus a bit of The Torch and you've got a potent stew.

I've had another date with KitKat and it was great. (side note: he needs some wardrobe help, but that's a different post.) We went to the local fine arts museum and enjoyed their Art After Hours program with some art viewing, some blues music and some tasty martinis. As my regular readers know, I really enjoy dating someone who plans a good date. It's not so much the Material Girl in me, but shows that the guy is able to plan, able to think, able to put some effort into dating me. This mostly applies to the start of the dating, when I'm thinking if this guy is worth seeing again. And I have a date with him tonight again to go to an IMAX movie about the coral reefs of the world. Cool!

And once again, KitKat proved to be a thoughtful, kind, funny date. We seem to have a lot to talk about, enjoy each other's company and have some things in common. I'm just trying to enjoy him for who he is, and let things move freely.

On the subject of my new "friend"--this is a fix-up from a friend I know in the business. The gentleman in question has a lot in common with me and it's almost scary. We have emailed and talked on the phone several times. I have not seen a photo, but that doesn't scare me. Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. He and I are meeting for coffee this morning and I'm kind of excited. If he doesn't turn out to be someone to date, I'm sure I've at least got a friend. And so I move on.

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all. Hope that you felt the love from your family, friends and special ones.

Last Saturday was the second date with KitKat guy. He planned a great evening out to see a jazz/torch singer. We had a terrific time. KitKat has great manners, was a true gentleman in every sense of the word. He called me when he was going to be just 5 minutes late. Opened the car door, helped me with my coat, etc. And he even asked permission to hold my hand during the concert. How cute is that?? I have to tell you, manners are a way to my heart.

KitKat is easy to talk to, friendly and warm. I'm not looking for a great love to start now, but I do think he's a bit "suburban" for me. After all, he has been in the suburbs for about 20 years raising children and being married. I usually am attracted to people who are a little more artsy, a little more urban. But I have to take him for what he is. He's certainly articulate, and interested in cool things. In fact, we have a third date tomorrow night. We are attending Art After Hours at the local museum. It features music, drinks, food, poetry reading, art tours, etc. Should be fun.

On other Valentine's news, I got a call from The Pilot wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. He's such a sweetie. Hard to believe that we've been friends for almost three years. I also got an email from The Torch. Nothing romantic, just a nice acknowledgement of the day. And of course, I heard from my wonderful family.

Things unsaid

Tonight I'm thinking of the things unsaid to people; specifically to The Torch. Why do we not say things we mean? Things that we want to say, dream of saying, long to say. Yet, something stops us.

Is it intelligence, knowing that I won't get the answer or action I want?
Is it fear, wondering if I could damage a friendship forever?
Is it protection, not letting myself open up?

All I know is that I've done well keeping some of my deep-heart thoughts to myself regarding him. We have our friendship, our flirting, our fun. And so I will probably keep it status quo. But understand, dear reader, there ARE things I want to say.

You had me at Kit.

Quick update with more to come later:

Had a nice lunch date (first date) with a new gentleman today. And I use gentleman correctly. Pretty blue eyes, nice manners, good conversation. At the end of the lunch, we walked out of the restaurant and out to the curb where we were to part ways.

Goatee guy: Here, take this back to work with you.



Sassy: How did you remember?

Goatee (smiles): I write things down.

About a dozen or more emails ago, he had asked about my favorite candy bar. I mentioned KitKats which I adore. Wow. If he wanted to make an impression, he certainly did. And we have a date next week.

And so I move on...after I finish the KitKat.

Building a community

Last evening I had some friends in for dinner and a rousing game of Uno! I made a big pot of shrimp etouffe, bread, and apple cobbler. Friends brought salad, ice cream, wine and beer. We had a terrific time and I was once again reminded of how blessed I am to have so many wonderful friends.

The Torch and I have a running discussion about when you're single, and especially when your family is scattered elsewhere, you need to have a community. And it's work to make it and keep it vibrant. I think of my community as my friends. Kinda like a family right here in my town. They're the people I lean on, laugh with, support and play with.

This is one of the best lessons that I've had out of my divorce. Luckily, I already had a great network of friends and have a personality that knows how to reach out and make relationships. I empathize with people who look around one day and think that they don't have friends to count on or to have fun with.

So, to all my friends near and far, THANKS! You're wonderful people and make my life richer and richer every day!

My (kinda) Zen moment

Today as I was driving home from work, I thought about the dating scene and how I was going about meeting someone who could be special and share quality time with. I ask friends and trusted colleagues if they know anyone, I participate in one (or sometimes two) dating sites, and I keep my eyes open at the grocery store and events.

But I wonder: am I pushing the universe where it's not meant to go? Will the life and love that I'm meant for come when it's the right time? Am I upsetting the balance?

As my friends know, I'm someone who is active. Life's not going to pass me by. If I want something, I'll go for it (within reason of course!). I've approached this new chapter in my life with passion, gusto, enthusiam and excitement. It's been a wonderful couple of years and I've learned so very much about myself.

I enjoy the single life and all it's brought me. So for now I'll keep on keeping on. But I'll keep an eye on the dating Budda.

To the men on dating sites

Dear guys who post their pictures on online dating sites:

I enjoy looking at most of your pictures. Through online dating I've met a lot of nice people. And seeing their pictures helped. But some of you just don't have a clue how to put your best face forward to bring you some success. So I thought I'd give you all some pointers.

1) Smile. No one wants to meet someone who looks like a grump, or worse, from the get go.
2) Keep your shirt on. Unless it's a real beach pictures, or you're a hot stud, I'd perfer not to see that first time out.
3) Have at least one picture with your hat off. I know guys like to wear baseball hats and all, and there's the balding thing, but I'll see it eventually.
4) Try a photo without sunglasses. If you're only posting one photo, make it one without sunglasses. How can I see what you look like?
5) Save the "look what I caught/shot" pictures for later. Why, oh why, do guys think that a photo of them holding a fish they just caught is going to appeal to women? Guys, yes. Hmmmm.
6) Don't try to impress me with photos of your cars, motorcycles or trucks. I'm dating you, not your vehicle.
7) Watch out when you post pictures with you a beautiful woman. Sure, she might be your sister. But it's a little intimidating for the rest of us.

Sincerely,
Sassy

Britney's boys

To whom it may concern:

How is it that Britney, known for her poor singing, dancer husbands, childcare issues and no-underpants nights, finds a boyfriend in no time flat?

I know. I know. She's a star and people want to hitch their *ahem* wagons to her. But geesh. She's unstable, kinda trashy and has two kids to drag around. While I, on the other hand, am a stable, working woman with her own house, own savings account, good job, is still looking for love.

Well, as my Doppleganger says, it's quality, not quantity. And, as usual, she's right.

And so I move on.

Adults only, please

Today I had a "goodbye" brunch with BuffaloBoy. This was his invitation, his idea.

When we decided that we needed to be done dating, we still had some things of each others. A book, a tennis racquet, that sort of thing. Anyway, Boy had to cancel our lunch on Friday due to a work issue. He called me at the office to ask if I'd rather go to a very swanky hotel for their famous champagne brunch. It's a beautiful place, perfect for a special occasion.

I accepted and he picked me up at 10:30. We went and had a nice time. We always have things to talk about; everything from the Democrats to a famous kidnapping. We were both dancing around the break-up, trying just to be friends and enjoying each other's company.

Finally, as we were winding up, Boy said he just needed to say one thing about our dating. His pitch was, "How often is it that you meet someone you really like?"

Exactly. I like him. He likes me. But I want more. I want someone to be in love with me, loving me for who and what I am. A woman who has a lot to offer.

In the end, it was an adult break-up, amicable and finite.

And so I move on.

Horse auction? Or horse's ass?

With the end of dating BuffaloBoy, I have put myself out there again on two dating sites. After a flurry of emails, I agreed to meet last weekend for a breakfast with someone I'll call Horse. Before this meeting, we had chatted on the phone and I thought he was fun, but a little edgy. Nothing off color, you understand, but sharp with his words. And not in the best way. But as Friend T and I say, "everyone gets a cup of coffee."

Now, I understand what age range I am dating. I understand we have all aged a bit. I know that we are not 18 any more. So when I meet Horse for the first time in front of the restaurant, I am not surprised that he is a little round, shall we say, around the middle.

We smile, make small talk and proceed into the restaurant. Our orders are taken and the chit-chat continues. The talk turns to keeping active and fit. He asked me what I do to keep in shape. I reply that I walk, hike when I can, play tennis, ride my bike. I say (OK a little stretch) that I try to eat healthy and take care of myself.

Then he says, with a wave of his hand to the open area of the floor, "Well turn around and let me see."

Luckily, I had my wits about me and replied, with sarcasm, "This is not a horse auction."

With his reply of, "Well for me it is," I was done. At least with this man. Although I have to admit I stayed around to finish my breakfast. I kept my polite demeanor, ended the date as soon as possible and got out of there.

What I want to know is in what universe is this type of comment to a first date OK? I'm constantly stumped with grown men who have been raised by wolves. Wolves with bad manners.

And so I move on.