I'm not your entertainment committee

On Saturday night when I was getting ready to go out on the town with Wingwoman when the phone rang. Being slow on the Caller ID thing, I pick up. The voice was someone I had dated almost 2 full years ago. We went out for 2 dates and that was that.

Being the polite gal I am, I said hello and asked how he was. He chitted and chatted. Now, mind you it's a Saturday night. Finally I had to almost cut him off and let him know that I was getting ready to go out.

As I drove over the Wingwoman's house, I thought about what brought him out of the woodwork. I decided he was just bored, calling around in his "black book" to see what he could stir up.

Through my dating years, I've noticed this phenomonen. Boys who call when they're bored or lonely or both. As a nice person who knows what it feels like to be bored or lonely, I understand. But I call my friends, not someone I've not seen for months. I reach out to family. Or I simple pull my boots up and figure out how to entertain myself.

The other problem with this is I want to be polite. As women we are taught to be nice, polite, welcoming. However, in the dating world, sometimes it's cruel to be kind. I don't want to give someone a false hope, lead them on, make them think something that's not.

And so I move on.

50 things about me

Not an original idea, but one that might make for some good reading!

1. I am an identical twin
2. I talk to my twin at least once a day
3. The scar on my left cheek was caused by an accident involving an ice skate
4. My calico kitty is named Molly
5. Max, my other cat, passed away last year
6. I once dated a drummer for a punk rock band
7. I really like to sew
8. Doing dishes by hand is relaxing for me
9. I worry about getting old and who will take care of me
10. Vacation and travel are two different things to me
11. Vacation is relaxing, reading, sleeping and being as low key as I want
12. Travel is seeing things I've never seen before and being on the go
13. I love the hazelnut gelato in Italy
14. My dream was always to make a living being a writer
15. I make my living being a writer
16. My mom is awesome
17. Coffee ice cream is my favorite
18. When you put hot fudge on coffee ice cream, it's amazing
19. I love to snow ski and am pretty good
20. I can water ski, but not all that well
21. In my 40s I learned to love a good steak
22. I'm smoked a cigar once or twice
23. I would love to be a better cook and do it more often
24. At the beach house I have never taken a shower indoors
25. I love outdoor showers
26. My dream job would to be a ski hostess in Vail
27. Another dream job would be just to read good books for a living
28. I don't care for sushi, but sometimes I eat a veggie roll just to make sure
29. I take a hot bath almost every night
30. Even though I got divorced, I don't regret being married
31. I wear jeans to work too often
32. Being a good friend to people I know is important to me
33. I wish I could ask my Dad for advice sometimes
34. My Dad passed away over 10 years ago
35. I have one niece and four nephews whom I love
36. If I didn't color my hair, I'd be very gray
37. I hate dealing with paperwork
38. Cutting flowers and bringing them inside the house is a simple joy
39. I'm nervous I won't have enough money when I'm old and sick
40. I've seen Bruce Springsteen about 6 times
41. I don't like to hang around people who are smoking
42. I'd like to be more spontaneous
43. I like fancy shoes, but don't wear them enough
44. I could eat cereal for three meals a day
45. I try to be considerate about using my cell phone in public
46. I have a passion for keeping small cities vibrant (like living and shopping in the city)
47. People who say there's nothing to do irritate me
48. I sometimes feel like there's nothing to do
49. I get shy at parties
50. I love to have friends over to my house

Easter bunny report

Hope that all my friends had a nice Easter or Passover. I had a lovely weekend, although I didn't get to go visit my brother as I had planned. My Mother was visiting him, and called to report that one of the little ones was not feeling well and that my visit would probably not include the fun of playing with them. So I opted out and went shopping instead. Great new dress for an upcoming wedding, new capri pants, a skirt and shorts. My Wingwoman went with me and we had a fun time, topping off the day with a late lunch.

On Sunday I went to the Catherdral with Wingwoman. Although I'm not Catholic, I love this building so it's like going to an art museum for me. Lovely service with wonderful music. Then I went to D&D's house to have a wonderful Easter dinner. The crowd was nice and filled with good friends, including The Torch and his Mother. I had met D&D when Torch and I were dating and they've proved to be wonderful, supportive friends.

Seeing Torch was both a pleasure and a pain. I so enjoy his conversation and company. We talked, laughed, played pool. And of course it was a pain because I so want to be at another place with him. I want to date again, call him my boyfriend, kiss and hold him.

I'm slowly accepting and understanding that he's just not emotionally able to be much more involved with me or anybody else right now. It's almost sad. I will continue to stay the course, be his friend, enjoy moments when they happen and not expect much more. And so I go on.

the Torch burns on

I keep waiting for it to go away. Like a backache, it comes and goes, bothering me, not bothering, there, not there.

The other night I was relaxing at home when the phone rang. The caller ID said it was The Torch and my heart leapt like a frog out of a pond. I answered and we talked and talked. Honestly, 140 minutes. Covered topics ranging from work to risk to fathers to party gossip. It was a wonderful, fulfilling conversation.

This morning I was wondering about his actions. Does he treat me like he does other women friends? Does he know how much phone calls and invitations and evenings keep me in the game? I don't think he does any of this maliciously, but it keeps me in there, damn it. Or is he thinking about dating me again and just starting the motions?

What I tell myself at this point in time is stay in there, because I love him in my life. Meanwhile, keep other avenues open. Perhaps he is a "standard" that's been put into my life to remind me what is important to me: intelligence, kindness, curiousity, physical attraction. And when I find someone else who has the right qualities, I will know it and think, "Torch who?"

Goodbye KitKat

Well, KitKat guy and I have parted ways. Actually this happened over a week ago, but with work and other stuff, I haven't gotten to this story.

While I was overwhelmed by Kit's kindness, sweetness and thoughtfulness, I kept thinking about how little we had in common. I'm more of a city girl...he's been raising kids in the suburbs for the last 20 years. I'm a huge reader and want to discuss books, he hasn't really read a book for oodles of years. He's a father (and certainly a devoted one), I've never had children.

It came to me that we just didn't have enough to talk about, enough to really keep me interested. And if this happens after 3 months of casual dating, I just didn't see any real future. My goal of dating is to enjoy myself, sure, but also to find someone to spend real quality time with, hopefully for the rest of my life.

And so I move on.

10 things I love

I've made this list before and thought I'd make another one. These are not the only things I love, just a random assortment. Enjoy!

10. Newly polished toenails
9. Maybelline mousse blush
8. Girl Scout Thin Mints
7. Blue skies when I'm skiing
6. Sitting in the sun on my front stoop
5. Gorgonzola cheese
4. Reading a good book
3. My cat curling up on my lap
2. Pink anything
1. My new sheets with seashells on them

My dance card is full

Last week The Torch called to see if I wanted to accompany him to a career function. It's usually a nice night with a chance to dress up. When we were dating we went to this same function in 2005. I remember a great time, being very proud to be on his arm.

Since I was scheduled to go on a little ski weekend with my Doppleganger, I had to decline. I have to admit that half of my heart wanted to go and half of me was glad I could tell him that I was busy. Ha! I'm leading a life, with or without you, my Torch!

This past Wednesday it was the Torch's birthday and I sent him a card with a small gift of "cards" that I made myself. We bantered on email about these and his birthday and I was happy with the little flirting that happened. Then today I get an email from him, once again asking me to accompany him to a "networking" cocktail party Friday with a dinner after. (To remind you, we are in the same business of advertising.)

Once again, I could tell him that I was busy with plans. Did it feel good? Make me sad that I couldn't go? A little of both, once again. We chatted back and forth on email and he suggested getting together this coming weekend. Once again, I told him I was busy (skiing with another friend).

I suggested in a very loose way that when my dance card was open again, perhaps we could get together. He emailed that I should touch base when I was back in town.

I'm not sure how I feel about this whole, long exchange. As most of my good friends know, I'm crazy about him, feel he is an almost perfect match for me, think about him. However, as I know, he can't get on the same page of Relationships 101 that I want to be on. And so the "perfect match" label is a moot one.

And so I move on. Being busy, living my life.

I have mail!

Today when I came home from work, I reached my little paw into the mailbox and pulled out the pile. There, on the top, was a small, cream-colored envelope. When I looked at the return address, I was tickled to see it was from KitKat.

As I opened it up, I saw that it was a thank-you note. He hand-wrote a sweet note thanking me for making his birthday so special. Last Thursday I had taken him out to a funky restaurant downtown. We had a lovely dinner, complete with a Cosmo (for me) and a big wedge of pie (for me again!). {Whose birthday was it anyway?! hee hee}

I also gave him a card and a mix CD. Then on Friday, I ventured to his neck of the woods and he took me to a movie and then out for a short drink.

Anyway, I was so touched by his kindness. It took time and thought to do this very sweet thing. And I think it shows what kind of person he is. What's next? We probably won't see each other for a while due to travel, work, etc. But it's nice to know such a guy is in my world.

And so I move on.

Wise words

One of my regular blogs is a cute one on iVillage. The woman who writes it is a little younger than me, but in the dating scene as well. Today her entry was about "playing darts." It talked about how women pick and ponder about every little thing in a relationship, serious or not. And how men sometimes are not mad, or dating other people, or avoiding you....they're just playing darts. I thought it good wisdom as I move through this part of my journey. Hope you enjoy it too.

http://thisfish.ivillage.com/love/

Better late than never

Once again I find myself apologizing to my dear readers about my lack of posts. Life has been a whirlwind lately of social fun, work, school, visitors, etc.

On the dating scene I have been having a great deal of fun with KitKat. He's proven to be a sweet, kind, thoughtful person. I'm almost overwhelmed by his kindness. I need to keep reminding myself that he's doing things for/with me because he wants to.

For example, I had casually mentioned that I wanted to change my light fixture in my dining room. Two Sunday afternoons ago, he called, offering his services to go "light shopping" then to install any light I might find. Wow! Generosity of time is certainly a way to impress a girl.

We went shopping, ending up going to three store where I stood in the aisles craning my neck to discern between this one and that one and the other one over there. The whole time KitKat showed patience and the ability to roll with a woman's right to change her mind.

After the trip, I made late lunch in exchange for light fixtures being put up. We didn't get to all three (yes, I bought three!), but had a fairly fun afternoon with me handing pliers and screws up the ladder. And, Voila!, there is light!

And so I move on....bathed in a new, less formal light.