Seeing the Torch

Since about last July, The Torch and I have been seeing each other as friends, emailing, flirting, talking for more than an hour on the phone, having dinner, etc. From my view, he ramped it up around March when he started asking me to accompany him to some social events. There's no denying that I enjoy the time we spend together. It's much better to have him in my life than not.

My position currently (and I can't say it won't change), is that I'm taking one day at a time. Enjoying his company, but no expectations other than we are both honest and respectful of each other. I'm trying to just let it be what it is, rather than pushing and pulling to control the universe of this friendship. I'm also keeping myself open to date others if they come my way, but I'm not really forcing that issue too much either.

One thing I've been thinking about during all of this is how much I've changed since I first met Torch almost 2.5 years ago. At that time I was newly single (separated in March, dating Torch in November of the same year), wondering how I would live my life, wanting something so badly. Now I know myself so much better, understand the Torch better regarding his worries about his life and future, and just understand the whole man/woman thing a little better. I'm better at the single life, better at being me.

The Torch and Me

As some of you know, I have been working through a slightly mysterious medical problem recently. As I move from 45 to 46 (Happy Birthday last November), I am aware of taking care of myself so I can stay active and healthy. I've been working with my regular doctor and now am on my way to a specialist next week.

Through this chapter, I have heard from The Torch regularly. Since we've decided to talk again and try to be friends, we have swapped emails, some phone calls, a few friendly games of tennis and a dinner or two. Lately, we have been talking medical things, since he has taken his first "stress test" and I have been working through my issues. I had recently mentioned to Torch that I was going to have some medical tests on Tuesday. On Tuesday evening, he called to ask how I was, how I was feeling. I told him that I would know test results on Friday. Last night he called and left a message, seeing if I was OK and wondering about the results of the tests.

One thing about The Torch that I've always liked is his relationship with his friends. He has a good "community" that he's built and works hard to keep in touch with everyone. He knows what it takes to be a good friend and regularly acts on it.

Now, the question is whether he is doing this as my friend, or as someone who is missing me. I'm still holding a candle, and foolishly or not, my hope springs eternal. Meanwhile, I'm keeping other dating options open....and taking care of my health.