Why can't we be friends?

(written last night, but posted this morning)

Hi all and sorry for the lapse in writing once again. To catch you up, BuffaloBoy found himself in the doghouse over the Thanksgiving holiday. For the few weeks before, we had talked about two important things to me; my birthday and the fact that my mother and twin sister were coming into town. On the Friday night before the holiday week, Boy mentions that he will be out of town the night of my birthday. I was more hurt and disappointed than anything. After all, we have been dating for almost 6 months. He wanted to attend a party in another town and did not offer to change his plans.

While I’m old enough to handle my birthday by myself, I felt frustrated and confused since (in my opinion) we had talked about it for the weeks before. Luckily, some of my wonderful friends made sure my birthday was a success with a wonderful dinner and great conversation.

The other issue in the same time-frame that helped Boy’s doghouse status was the fact that he told me that he would meet my mother and sister for lunch while they were in town. Again, we had discussed this and I told him early that this was a “no obligation” invitation. But he seemed like he was very agreeable.

The Friday after Thanksgiving, I called Boy at the appointed time to tell him where and when to meet us that noontime. He begged off, saying he was “tired,” and would like to, but, you know, he just was tired. Uff!

Am I off base to expect that when you are a grown man, and you tell the woman you have been dating steadily that you will be at an appointed lunch, you will be there? Honestly, he should have just pulled up his socks, sucked it up and come out for one hour.

This leads me to the last part. Obviously there has never been a huge romantic attachment to the Boy, even though I’ve been enjoying his company. And with his actions (coupled with some other dates that have been begged off or done “later”) of the week, I’m pretty sure that he is simply enjoying my company too without any long-term thoughts.

While I know it’s only been 6 months of dating, I don’t want either one of us to get our feelings hurt, or waste our time. I like Boy, but long-term romance? I don’t think it’s in the cards for us.

Thankful for....

Sorry this is about a week late, but I wanted to make a list of what I'm thankful for:

• my family who are funny and supportive and loving
• my friends who are generous and kind and fun
• the fact that I have a roof over my head and food to eat
• books
• values my parents taught me
• my opportunity to try teaching this year

I could go on, but you get the idea. Hope all had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend.

darn it!

Well, I hate being ambivalent. I am enjoying time with BuffaloBoy, but when I shut my eyes and look into the future, I don't see a life with him. And my objective to dating is to have fun, yes, but also to find a partner, lover, friend who I can spend this next part of my life with.

So, do I break it off before someone gets hurt? Do I bring up a conversation so he knows what I'm thinking? Do I just relax and see what happens? After 5 months, I think it's time we decide where we're going.

And to tell the truth, I'm not sure Boy sees up long-term as well. I'm not HIS usual girl....I'm more intellectual, more "buttoned-up" if you will, more "mainstream." Arrgh.

One of my thoughts is to see what happens over the holidays when we will see each other a lot less. After my Italy trip, things seemed to be better on both sides. But lately I feel that the "honeymoon" is over and we are seeing each other in the real light. He is forgetful, disorganized, not into planning too much. All things that might eventually drive me up the wall.

On the flip side, his heart is warm and generous and his communication skills are very solid. Surely there must be someone else out there that has these traits, and who is more of a match for me??

Housekeeping 101

Well, Saturday night BuffaloBoy made me dinner at his house. We usually hang out at my place for the sheer convenience of it all, and the fact that Boy is vocal about not being a good housekeeper. I usually pooh-pooh that, saying that I like friends for who they are, not how they keep their house.

I arrived at the set time of about 7:30 and, surprise, Boy is not ready. In fact, he hasn't showered yet, telling me that he has been running around cleaning and cooking all day. He has also already broken into the wine, using some of it to marinade the lamb (delicious!) and has had a glass himself. I volunteer to go grab another bottle while he pops into the shower.

As I arrive back at his crib, I see him in the backyard working feverishly at the grill. The lamb smells divine (he actually is a good cook) and I can't wait for dinner.

When I walk inside, I am amazed at the kitchen. Even though he has sworn that he has been working "all day," to a girl's eyes, it just doesn't look like it. Fast forward to his thoughts that he worked on his kitchen and bathroom, watched two movies on TV, went to the grocery twice and the drugstore once. So I figure his cleaning time, with all those distractions, was down to about 45 minutes. No wonder it still looked like a bachelor pad.

This got me thinking about different men I've dated and their different houses. The Torch's apartment is funky and cool, fairly neat and tidy. Much like his personality and owing to his job in the "arts." The Pilot's house was always neat and tidy too, which makes sense. He was a clothes horse and always dressed very particularly. The Accountant's house was a jumble. Papers everywhere and a pool table in the living room!

I promised the Boy that I would help him make a dent. Truly, it's not the "guy's apartment" right out of college that you swore you would never set foot in again. It just needs a little touch-up and he needs to learn some tip and tricks of the housekeeping trade. I guess that most men don't learn this from their moms like the girls do.

And so I move on....apparently with a dust cloth in my hand.

P.S. The dinner and evening were delightful.

Back in town

Well, this past weekend was the first weekend since I've been back from Italy (late Sept) that the BuffaloBoy and I haven't had any sort of date. No panic. He was out of town to see his family.

I had a good weekend, with lots of yard work, visits with my home-girls, and some down time. Sadly, my beloved Steelers lost on Sunday, so that put a crimp in the day.

This morning, Boy called to say hello and check to see if we still had a date to watch Monday Night Football. (For those who don't know, I'm a big football fan). I told him yes, and that I missed him over the weekend. That was big stuff for us. We are generally going slow and taking our time. Although, the conversation we had at the vineyard a week ago was moving us forward...or so I think from my position.

It will be interesting to see what happens next. We both are still smarting from other relationships (oh, Torch...), and are reluctant to get in to deep too fast. OK with me, most of the time, anyway.

I'll get to the details of the vineyard conversation in another post. Meanwhile, I move on.

You're 48, for cryin' out loud!

Back in the day, I dated a man (see blog entry entitled "A Date and a .38"). After a very immature kiss-off by him via email (email for goodness sake!), I thought that whole chapter was done.

Forward to about August when I get an email (another!) saying that he would like to be friends again, although he made it clear that he was dating another woman and it was going well. The generous, polite person I am, I said sure. We exchange a few emails, talk lightly about getting coffee, leave voice mails, but never seem to connect.

After an innocent email where I mentioned that he appeared in one of my dreams (very G-rated), I got back an email that was definitely R-rated. He said, "I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries." I wrote back that yes, it was over the line, that I did not appreciate his thoughts, that I was dating a very nice man and that I was woman of integrity.

Instead of him apologizing for his somewhat 16-year-old behavior, he makes it my problem. Says that I was being too sensitive, that he was joking, that I can't take a joke, etc. He wrapped it up by saying that if I didn't respond to his email, he would know that I didn't want to talk to him anymore and that would be a "shame." For whom, I ask?

So I hit the "delete" button and forget about it. Two days later, here comes another email, again berating me for not being open enough to accept his comment as a joke. Oh, and that I needed was "obsessed with my old boyfriend and needed to move on." Then, a TEXT message. Arrgh. Then yesterday, another email. All deleted.

My question becomes, who really needs to move on here? Not me. Goodness. Go back to sixth grade.

And so, I do move on.

Background for you, fair reader

I'm taking a brief moment to post quickly and catch some folks up on what happened between August and October.

When BuffaloBoy's old gal came into town, he was honest, and fair, about telling me. And I appreciated that. However, after a week (a week!) of not hearing from him, I became somewhat confused. Here was a man who had been taking me out at least once a week and all of the sudden, no communication at all. Not like him.

Finally, not really knowing what else to do, I sent him a low-key, but honest email saying that I was confused about not hearing from him and letting him know what I enjoyed his company, hoped to see/hear from him again and that no matter what, that I wished him well.

About two days later I get a long, rather heart-felt email from Boy. He let me know that he and ex-gal decided to spend the week together at the beach to "finish" things. Yikes! But knowing Boy, his "zen" way of thinking, etc., I decided to accept his apology. Again, he was very up front and honest. And he assured me that they were not looking to mend fences in any way, shape or form.

We went to dinner and mended fences ourselves. And so it continues. More to come, lovely readers.

Can I have syrup with my waffle?

I know that this is kinda ahead of the written story here, but I thought that I needed to keep writing or else I would never get caught up.

I've been trying to think about the relationship with BuffaloBoy and how I feel about him. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm still thinking about the Torch from time to time. Torch and I have also been back in touch, even seeing each other on a "friends" basis.

As I think about what I want (what IS it, anyway?) and who I would like to spend time with, Boy is looking good. His kindness, thoughtfulness, communication skills, honesty and willingness to HAVE a real relationship is key. And you just can't discount good men. There's not a lot of them out there. Or maybe there is, but not ones that you click with on all the right levels.

The Torch is a good man. But he obviously can't have a relationship with me (for whatever reason). I've been trying to move on completely for months and it might just be happening. The question becomes this: Am I moving on because of the feelings I have for Boy? Or am I moving on because it's just time to understand and accept that Torch isn't able to be who I need him to be.

Am I looking for a long-term with Boy? No. Not yet. Maybe never. But for right now, it's hard to beat someone who calls and says he can't wait to see me tomorrow night.

Time passes

Hi everyone. Sorry it's been so long, but life has been kind of crazy.

The big news is that I've been to the beach with the family, been to the beach with BuffaloBoy and have been to Italy with a friend. Life is good. No complaints over here.

And the other big news is that BuffaloBoy and I have moved to a new place, I think. It's long and complicated, but let me say in this quick post that it's hard to discount a nice person who is interested in having an adult relationship with honest, understanding communication. We're not in a big love by far, but I think that we're both getting to know each other and appreciate each other's company, views on the world, etc.

OK, late now and I have work to do for my class, so I'll catch up later.